Yeah, yeah … it was only a matter of time before I brought up Vegemite. How can one not when one is prone to blogging about Australian stuff? It is quintessentially Australian. It’s a symbol of Australia around the world. Australian kids grow up eating it. There are even myths surrounding it (ie Put vegemite behind your ears to ward off Drop Bears, a viscious cousin of Koalas … oh, nevermind).
The truth is that Vegemite is really the most foul concoction ever packaged and sold as food. Australians laugh about Americans eating cheese from a can and fake bacon bits. Well, cheese from a can is pretty disgusting but it doesn’t even hold a candle to the revolting, non food status of Vegemite. In case you didn’t know, Vegemite is a nasty black paste that people inexplicably put on anything from toast to cheesy scroll things. Sometimes they even mix it into stews and casseroles in the misguided belief that it “adds flavour.” Since when is ass flavour something one wants in their stew anyway?
Vegemite is basically the biproduct of beer making. How Australian is that? “Hey, we have all this foul black paste leftover from making our beer. What should we do with it? I know, let’s eat it!”Ā This is a culture so obsessed with beer that not only do they televise Lawn Bowl games, a “sport” that can be played (and usually is) while holding a stubby in one hand, but they actually ingest the biproduct of producing said beer.
I remember the first time I tasted the foul death paste (a description of Vegemite coined by Amanda Palmer). It was on my first visit to Oz, two years before I actually moved here for good. I had been told about Vegemite but had no real idea what it tasted like. My roommate at UW was dating a Kiwi guy who had grown up in Brisbane and was now living in Portland. He had a predilection for Vegemite and potato chip sandwiches. He told me it tasted excellent. I had my doubts (Vegemite & potato chips? Um, can you get more sodium in one meal?). Anyway, when I first got to Australia, I found a pot of it in my future mother-in-law’s pantry. I thought “Eh, what the hell” and opened it up for a sniff. It smelled foul. If I were smart, I would have stopped there. But no, I am prone to stupidity so I got a teaspoon, scooped a tiny amount out, and took a tentative taste. HOLY SHIT! The tiniest touch of my tongue to the tiniest scoop of this shit made me gag. I had to rush for a glass of water to rinse the vile taste from my mouth.
The moral of the story? Believe people when they tell you Vegemite is foul. Do not try for yourself … you will be sorry. I think a love of Vegemite requires training from an early age. Few people actually taste the stuff for the first time as an older child or adult and decide they like it. No, I have not done studies but it just makes sense, ok? It’s my blog and I can say what I want, damn it! š
Part of what finally motivated me to write this post was the Amanda Palmer gig we went to last night. She’s touring her most recent album, Amanda Palmer Goes Down Under, which she has described as a “love letter to Australia.” The show was glorious … the audience even spontaneously sang Advance Australia Fair to her. She looked stunned when that happened. It was pretty awesome. Anyway, my favourite song on the album is The Vegemite Song. You see, occasionally, Amanda Palmer manages to hit upon Truth in her songs. This is one of those times. This song is better than any blog post I can do about Vegemite. In fact, you’d probably be better off skipping this post and going straight to this video:
I have never eaten Vegemite and intend to keep it that way. Eurgh.
Some friends in the past who live in Australian have told me how WONDERFUL Vegemite is… But personally I would like to steer clear of eating anything that ends in “mite”. Blech.
“Australian kids grow up eating it”
Well then call my kids UnAustralian! š
Hehehe … oops. Correction: *Most* Australian kids grow up eating it. You have to admit that it is a bit of a Thing to feed kids this shit from an early age. The whole “It’s healthy” argument sounds to me like the “Nutella is part of a healthy breakfast” nonsense. How the hell is weird yeast extract mixed with extra preservatives (as if yeast extract isn’t a preservative already!) healthy?
It’s delicious and nutritious and I’m TOTALLY REVOKING YOUR CITIZENSHIP NOW.
š
Mmm. I might go have a vegemite and cheese sandwich. Nom.
Hah! *thumbs nose at you*
At least, nutritionally, there is some merit in Vegemite. Non-dairy creamer is FLAMMABLE.
What merit? Where? What, the B vitamins? can they even be absorbed amongst all the sodium and preservatives mixed in? š Besides … there are less foul ways of getting B vitamins …
Vegemite is delicious! OOh Siobhan – might have to join you in a V&C sandwich
hmm lunch!
I am an American and I LOVE vegemite. I was curious to try it when I moved here, and I am so glad I did! I love things that are yeasty though. Like nutritional yeast (call savoury yeast here in Oz). I think you either like things that taste like that, or you don’t. I sent some to family, and they didn’t like it. To each their own!
I just want to say this to all you people claiming to love Vegemite: Wash your hands and brush your teeth before you come into a room with me! Off, foul death paste!
Ah, there’s nothing quite like the horror that an introduction to Vegemite can invoke, brings a warm glow to my Vegemite loving heart š I sent some to a blog friend in the US, had hoped she might video the taste test but she wussed out on me.
(I sent Tim Tams too, I’m not completely evil!)
I’m not sure even Tim Tams can make up for wishing Vegemite on someone! LOL
I LOVE vegemite.
But, I must say that first-timers probably shouldn’t try vegemite by itself off a spoon – that move is for serious vegemite eaters only. I would suggest a mild vegemite and butter sayo after eating too many sweet foods, when you have that feeling where your stomach is dying for something salty and savoury to balance that all out, for a first-timer’s experience.
Also, my French friend says that though she knew it wasn’t sweet she couldn’t help picturing chocolate when she went to try it for the first time (thinking it looked a little like nutella) and was … appalled. I wonder how many people have the same experience/mistake when they try vegemite for the first time. Advice: picture salt when you try it!
Anyway, I am a total salt addict and was destined to love vegemite even if I hadn’t been raised on it, I think. One of my strongest and earliest memories as a child was when we lived in Iraq with no vegemite and someone sent a great big bottle of the stuff to us in a care package and my father dropped it before he got home. I begged him to let us keep it and suggested that we could carefully pull the shards of glass out so we could still eat it and understandably he refused. I felt such self-pity and such anger towards my father for his carelessness – very strong emotions at the time. I think I was about 4 or 5.
Ahh vegemite, how I love thee poor misunderstood spread.
The thing is, I love salty foods. In fact, when I was a kid, my mother used to tell me off ALL THE TIME for eating salt straight out of the salt shaker. It’s not the saltiness that gets me with Vegemite … it’s the foul undertaste beyond the saltiness.
Vegemite is putrid, rotting, insanely salty used axle grease. I don’t buy the “used crud from the bottom of a beer barrel story”, they’re just trying to make it sound fancier than it really is.
The trick with Vegemite is: Less is more. At the very lesser edge of that principle, too.
A thin – as thin as possible – smear of Vegemite on toast is delicious, but anything more is … bloody horrible.
We also use it to play tricks on visiting Americans.
Get the jar out, tell ’em it’s our equivalent of peanut butter, and tell ’em to take a nice big spoonful.
Then sit back and watch the histrionics as they grab their throats, spit it into the garbage bin, go “aaaaargh” about 50 times, and race for a nice big glass of water to get rid of the salty taste (which doesn’t work straight away š )
Aah, Vegemite, foodstuff of legend … and a thing that has many uses, not the least of which involves playing naughty practical jokes on our cousins from across the very big pond.
Remember, you Yanks who might be heading this way: Don’t get fooled if you arrive in Oz wondering, feeling reckless and tempted to have a taste test … for most lovers of the stuff, a thin smear can literally be the very thin line between love and hate.
And the best way to do it is to let the toast cool before you butter it (lightly), so that you don’t have melting butter softening the toast (otherwise, what’s the point??), THEN add your (thin) smear of Vegemite.
Mmmm … seriously delicious š
… and much healthier than orange-coloured, plasticy, gooey, runny American “cheese” (best go back and check the contents label of those, guys).
Best invention ever! You yanks shouldn’t even try a tiny bit on a teaspoon! Try it on toast. A light, thin spread, not like peanut butter, which I must say I also love! Not as much as Vegemite, but it’s still delicious! And I’ve never tried cheese in a can, and now I probably won’t!
VEGEMITE!!!!!!!!!
Laughed my ass off reading this posting! When I was discussing how morbidly disgusting this shit is with a friend from Australia, they brought up the argument of cheese in a can. I don’t know about you, but it’s not like most Americans eat canned cheese every day. Bacos on a salad are quite tasty.
Needless to say..I’d take canned cheese and fake bacon any day over Vegemite!
vegemite is the bastard child of Marmite!
A few miles north of Australia they eat scorpions and locusts so it’s all about what you were bought up on as a kid. Besides Vegemite there is Marmite, same stuff, different name and eaten in New Zealand and the U.K. I personally love the taste of both and you only need the tiniest smear to engage with the salty taste. Why chuck a perfectly edible byproduct of beer making away when it is full of vitamin B and K? … but you’re right. To an Aussie peanut butter by itself is beautiful but with jelly? YUK! If you love anchovies you should cope OK with Vegemite and no visit downunder is complete until you’ve done the Vegeite try out. We’ll just laugh when you can’t cope.